i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
