Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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