i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
