I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
