he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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