New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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