just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
