I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
