I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
