my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
