Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
