how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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