All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
