i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
