i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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