apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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