Umm I'm too high to move.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
