I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
