Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
