the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
