Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
