My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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