I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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