True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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