i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
