im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
