dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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