True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
