so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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