I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
