i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
