I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hippo gnu deer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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