Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
