i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
