well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
