Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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