I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
