Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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