Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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