I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was like his penis was on wheels.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
