i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
