Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
