Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
