Swine flu. Run for my life!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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