I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
