hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
