you have to choose: penises or morals?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
