After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
