I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
