if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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