You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
